What to do when your kids are at home and you have to work

It is the last bit of that sentence that is the real blow – a week I could cope with, but I don’t know about any longer – and anything over a month might tip me over the edge. It is bound to be a massive challenge for all families. I am no teacher and I am not a patient person.

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I wanted to share the ideas and plan we have in our family in preparation for the inevitable … I can’t confess to have the answer but I think sharing ideas has to be a good start. I am open to suggestions and tips, especially from those people who home school their kids – please, please, we would love to hear from you!

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Firstly, we have to work out how to occupy the kids during this time and fit work around this, dividing and conquering between two parents as much as possible. Last night I dusted off my flip chart and sat everyone down to make a list of what we might do to fill the time instead of school. What seemed to make the difference for my two children was to label it 'home schooling – it shifted their understanding of what we were planning and they got into the discussion in a productive way. I tasked my daughter (7) to be scribe (in case you think the writing below is mine!) and made the rule that no idea was a bad idea (at first anyway). Here’s the final list of what we came up with:

So we have a list of 21 things we could potentially do. Naturally I am praying for a lot of number 9 (quiet concentration and reading), but we have to realistic about what is possible.

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When the new normal starts we are going to set out a different routine each day – a timetable of sorts on the kitchen wall which goes up the night before and is talked through over breakfast. I know my kids well enough to know they like a routine and we have to do our upmost to stick to it otherwise we risk descending into chaos (which will happen, believe me, but let’s set out to minimise it as much as possible).

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A school day consists of short bursts of learning so we have to be realistic about how much we should cram into a day. Actual at your desk learning for primary school children is very short – I make it about three hours max a day in between playtime, assembly, lunch etc. So four or five focused learning sessions led by Mum or Dad in quite short bursts will be timed to fit around key work calls and activities us grown ups each have to do. My husband and I are in negotiations about who wants to take on what activity, but we will split the tasks to play to our strengths (PE is not one of mine). This gives the other person time to do the work they need to do – and in the car on the drive if noise dictates this!

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In between this some learning can be outsourced – we have a virtual piano teacher for example and an online tutor who we will be utilising. My supervisor is running regular free half hour mindfulness sessions which I think my eleven-year-old would enjoy. I will gladly let my two FaceTime their friends to get that all important social contact. But a key factor is bandwidth – literally will our internet take it? We will soon find out.

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That then leaves playtime. For younger children, a good nanny friend of mine reminded me of how, in nurseries, different play 'stations' are set up – so in one corner Lego, in another paper and pens, in another the train set etc. This is a proven concept that we can replicate at home with young and older children. Set up some activities in different parts of the room/house in such as way as to make them really enticing – get the toy/activity out the box and partially set it up so kids are drawn to it. Critically don’t leave every single toy out for play time – it weirdly leads to boredom. This playtime allows you to get on with some work, albeit the less focused tasks. If your children are old enough you can make it clear that interruptions are not part of the plan when they are playing – I am in my office and the door is closed so don’t disturb me unless it is an emergency.

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Around learning and playtime there will be the crucial 'time to yourself'. Kids have to make their own game up and, no matter what (accident and emergency excepted), us grown ups must not intervene. It is a time for kids to be bored and to sit with this. And what an incredible skills this is to foster in our children. For us this will be the hardest thing to get right and I will not be beating myself up if 'time to yourself' descends into screen time.

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In this new normal a key feature will be absolute flexibility. So work requiring relatively long periods of quiet focused time may have to come in the evenings post the kids’ bedtime. I will coach virtually during the day in the shifts when my husband is in charge (and I will do the same for him), and then in the evening spend time reflecting on the sessions, writing my notes and following up with my clients over email. We might flip this around if clients/colleagues are in the same boat and would prefer to be coached when the kids are in bed.

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If you have a partner at home, it is going to be critical to share the load and plan how you will tackle things before the new normal begins – don’t wait for day one to start before you set out some ground rules and get everyone bought into them.

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Good luck all you wonderful families out there. If you feel overwhelmed, say so, you wont be alone. Above all, remember that you are doing the best you can with limited resources in very difficult circumstances – and this is good enough.