Like a virus, emotions can be contagious

What, however, do we do about the emotions that are running rife through our homes and (now virtual) places of work? How do we control the spread of negative emotions that can feel dangerous and out of control? I know over recent days I have had moments of fear and dread, and moments when its hard to label quite what I am feeling, so alien is it for me.

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Emotions are also contagious. Anxiety, panic, fear are palpable and infectious, even over the phone or email. If you are a leader of people you are likely to be a 'super-spreader' of emotions. Your people will be looking to you to go beyond 'setting the tone'.  They want you to show them the way through this crisis, help them to manage their own emotions and keep a level head. This may be the last thing you are feeling, so how can leaders manage the spread of negative emotions?

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• Firstly allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. You are human, it is ok to experience these overwhelming and, perhaps, disturbing emotions. But, before key interactions with your team or other stakeholders, notice and try to label the emotion you are feeling. If you can’t quite name the emotion, get as close as you can to it. Saying, “I notice I am feeling overwhelmed”, for example, takes some of heat from it. Don’t believe me? Try it.
• Connect with your people. This is where it is useful to refer to Daniel Goldman’s leadership styles. In a time of crisis the “commanding” style is often appropriate because people want to be told what to do. But, draw on your “coaching” and “affiliative” styles too. One leader I spoke with last week was hesitating to have a conversation with someone in his team whom he felt drained him with his panicked responses, but it is your role now to connect more than ever. Make time to connect and listen.
• Make it OK for your team to share what is going on for them – with you and each other. Hang on, isn’t this like opening Pandora’s box? If we all start talking about how panicked we are then this spreads it right? No, what matters is the way in which you as the leader holds this space for your team. Perhaps you are the leader of an organisation that does not ever overtly talk about feelings – you would be in the majority if this is the case. Now is the time to allowing and encourage people to open up a little. You can do this by starting your next meeting with an invitation for people to each share, say, three words about how they are 'doing' adjusting to this new norm. As the leader you go first to demonstrate it is ok to share. Then go round the group again and invite anything more people want to add having heard their colleagues speak. It is not group therapy and it doesn’t have to take more than a few minutes. But this simple exercise lays out what this team is experiencing and allows it to be talked about and examined.  As a leader you don’t have to resolve the emotions - don’t try to airbrush these feelings – allow a moment of pause, thank everyone and, very often, the group will likely offer a way forward. You just have to genuinely listen. Exposing these emotions to the cold light of day and demonstrating a sense of shared experience dampens the impact, it doesn’t heighten it.

Finally, have some self-compassion as a leader. These are incredibly tough times. You have likely never experienced a crisis of this magnitude in your professional or personal life. How you respond will have a significant impact – the emotions you choose to share with your people can either worsen things or manage them for the better. Which is it going to be? How do you want to be remembered by your colleagues when they look back over this crisis?