Ian Davies, Head of Product, BBC

Ian Davies (44) works at the BBC in a senior Product Management role for BBC iPlayer. He is married to Claire (43), who works at Facebook. Ian initially took three months shared parental leave from November 2018 to January 2019, to care for his daughter, Halley who was nine months old at the time. When Claire became pregnant again in early 2019, Ian opted to take a further six months career break, returning to work as Head of Product for iPlayer in August 2019. From October 2020, Ian has reduced his working week with the BBC to spend two days a week caring for his children, Halley (now nearly three) and Vaughan, 18 months.

Claire and I had always planned that we would share our parental leave, from before Halley was born. It was important to both of us that we would parent our daughter as a team. Fortunately, there were a couple of important enablers that helped to make this a reality.

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Firstly, my employer is extremely positive and proactive about encouraging Shared Parental Leave – and the mechanisms and support existed to make this extremely straightforward to organise.

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Secondly, we were in a fortunate position because our earnings were similar and we were both well-established in our careers – that allowed us the financial flexibility for either of us to step back from work, particularly for the extended period of unpaid leave. We’re both very conscious that, for many couples, this isn’t always an option.

Other than hoping I’d be any good at being a full-time Dad, nothing really! There was never a feeling that I had to worry unduly about taking this time off, even while significant change was underway at work and with my role likely to change. Having spent 20 years working in digital and online, frequent change of this type isn’t unusual, so while I was a little uncertain as to what role I’d be returning to, I was given reassurance that my job would be kept open.

I‘m an avid reader about the industry, so I didn’t feel anxious about staying up-to-date and although there was no expectation to do so, I was also able to speak regularly with my line-manager throughout my leave. I made a point of staying in contact with some of my previous direct reports too; I’d brought a number of people into a new team and I was keen to help them to navigate the changes to the organisation and to their roles. Keeping in touch helped me to feel more confident about returning.

I think some people were surprised, initially, but everyone was happy for us. I was lucky to have a line-manager who went above and beyond to accommodate my leave – particularly the additional six months I requested after my parental leave period finished.

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Female members of my team were all delighted to see a senior manager taking the opportunity and female friends were just as supportive – though I do recall a particular conversation with one friend who pointed out that it’s often much easier to be at work than to be a full-time parent. She wasn’t entirely wrong! Claire jokes that that my HR department will put me on posters around my office as an inspirational example …

Absolutely none at all.  Having worked on similar things in a similar field for a long time and taken very little time away from work during that period, it’s great to have some time where you’re thinking in an entirely different way – and while I can’t suggest childcare is in anyway a break, I’ve returned to work refreshed and with a different perspective.

I definitely stood out and I didn’t always get a warm welcome by other mums. I don’t know whether that was suspicion of me or that they had already formed their friendship groups, but I didn’t get inundated with invites for Halley and I to join them for cups of tea after a session of baby signing or a music group. That changed, over time – perhaps when people realised I wasn’t just ‘standing in for mum for a week’ and that I was doing this full-time!

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Parenting can be quite a lonely and isolating experience at times, often with long periods without adult company or conversation. I’ve since spoken to a number of full-time-mum-friends who’ve felt similar emotions, but it still surprises me that this aspect of childcare doesn’t really get talked about.

Most importantly, I feel very fortunate to have been able to spend that time with Halley. We became very close and we’ve got such a lovely relationship as a result. We also have a really good dynamic in the family where Halley’s not overly reliant on either me or Claire, so from a family perspective it’s been a wonderful thing to do.

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Professionally too, I genuinely believe the experience has made me a better manager. I’ve always hoped I had understood the challenges that many people have outside work, but I certainly believe I’ve now got more empathy with people who have taken maternity leave and want to return to work on, say, a flexible working arrangement. Shared parental leave has given me an appreciation for the circumstances that lead to such requests and how important it is to be able to support them.

I do think financial considerations – more specifically an imbalance in earnings – sometimes holds people back from taking the opportunity. That’s a difficult one to resolve, but if it only falls to women to take on responsibility for raising children, that will continue to persist. Invariably, going down to a single salary for a period when both parents have been working will be challenging, so anything that companies can do to ease that burden would obviously help. It’s ultimately a small cost as an investment in people.

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I also have a feeling that there is a stigma surrounding men taking parental leave in certain industries or sectors, but I think this is probably related to a lack of flexibility and inclusiveness in workplace culture in general. I can appreciate why men in companies where norms and peer pressure demand things like rigid working hours or strict dress codes, might be reluctant to take advantage in case it leads to negative perceptions with colleagues.

It’s a wonderful thing to do and I would do it again in a heartbeat, so if your employer is able support you to take the opportunity, then have the confidence to go for it. It’s such a valuable opportunity for you and your family and I feel my wife and I now have genuinely shared understanding of what it takes to bring up a child.

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Finances are, of course, an important factor and my suggestion would be to approach any short-term financial pain with pragmatism – the benefits far outweigh the negatives.

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I would also be blunt that it is relentless and it is hard work. Being the full-time parent also makes you the homerunner, not just the childminder during the day. You need to have an empathy for your partner – who is potentially leaving their child for the first prolonged time to return to work – so you should take responsibility for the all the shopping, washing clothes (more than you’ll ever know), the cleaning, the never-ending tidying, the cooking, etc.

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I would definitely encourage dads to get fully involved in baby classes/groups so that it doesn’t become a lonely experience – taking parental leave is often just about you and another person who might not interact with you a great deal in the early days, so get out and about!

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From a work perspective, it’s good to keep in touch, but it’s important to make sure that you’re not trying to parent part-time, with one foot in the work camp. It’s a full-time job, but a brilliant one.