Bryony Hurst, Partner, Bird & Bird LLP

I learnt about the importance of having time away from the coal face and how this experience can access a different part of your brain – the part that is creative and has new ideas. I know for sure now that you don’t have to be in the office to do your best work – sometimes great ideas on a matter come late at night when I am up tending to Freddie. The twelve month break also meant that I came back so much clearer about what I was trying to achieve.

The experience of becoming a parent also gave me a lot more confidence – in becoming a mum I pushed myself to the limit both physically and emotionally and feel that now I really know my strengths and capabilities. Nothing that could happen in the office could rock me as much as it might have before becoming a parent.

Just the time away and being out of the loop – developments in the law, the make-up of my team, various initiatives all moved on without me. Before I went, I had grand ideas about being really hands-on with my matters despite my physical absence but the reality was very different. This meant that there was a period of about two months post my return when I felt I was playing catch-up, which was quite a lonely time for me. I got the sense that some people – with the very best of intentions – didn’t want to include me in work immediately after my return as they assumed I would want time to settle in – when in fact I wanted to hit the ground running. It definitely takes time to get back up to speed but overall in terms of my career trajectory I don’t think mat leave had a significant negative impact on me.

I could have been a bit franker about what I wanted when I came back. In hindsight I could have done more to remind and prepare people for my return – i.e. reach out to them in an email sooner to let them know when I was coming back and what I was looking to work on. This may have lessened that 'lonely' period I experienced. I spent a LOT of time catching up with both clients and colleagues once I was back – I think I drank my bodyweight in coffee each day – but that in itself took time to have an impact.

My biggest worry was, and always will be, how Freddie would cope with the change. I was lucky in that my mum was taking over childcare for me but there was – and is – still guilt there about juggling everything.

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There was also a fear that people would see me as a slightly lesser Partner on my return because I decided to change my working patterns to ensure I spent time with Freddie each day – I was worried about how this would be viewed – but I am pleased to report there have been no negative comments made so far!

With Freddie I was lucky enough to have the support of my family, but I was still very honest with them about my worries/feelings and we worked out ways to provide me with reassurance (a 3pm text every day to let me know how he’s doing and when he is due for bedtime, allowing me to plan the rest of my day around that!).

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Another thing that really made a difference was being clear in my mind that the only way I would alleviate the guilt was to make a commitment to myself that, bar a total emergency at work, I would make sure I was home in time to do bath and bedtime with Freddie each day. I have so far stuck to this.

Speak to those people who are invested in you – your Head of Department, key clients, members of your team. Don’t fall into the trap of treating your pregnancy as the elephant in the room. The more upfront you can be with people and not pretend it isn’t happening, the more you can tease out any concerns they have in advance.

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The other piece of advice I would have is that the time out with your child is so precious – don’t over commit before you go off in terms of keeping in touch etc. If you are trying to do it all whilst on leave you probably will not do anything well. I came back after the 9 months I had with Freddie knowing I could not have done more for him in that time and this helped ease my conscience when I returned to work.

I have the freedom that comes with being a Partner so was able to dictate my terms a little. Not everyone has this, but if you can I would recommend easing back into work – I started back three days a week for the first four weeks, as I knew things would be slow in the office to begin with and that I might as well continue to spend some days each week with Freddie until that changed. When I came back, I also made sure I was very visible – I did not hide behind my desk! Becoming a parent and having time out was a good excuse to reconnect with people and widen my network – I made the most of this opportunity.

The most important thing a line manager can do is to make becoming a parent a normal event. There is a temptation to want to downplay your identity as a parent and avoid bringing family life into the office. I have made the decision instead to 'own' this part of my identity and make sure my colleagues, especially younger women, know that it’s ok to have a baby at home and to be proud of the fact that you’re trying to juggle everything . I also explain my working patterns – I don’t hide or apologise for these – on the contrary I explain why leaving in time for Freddie’s bath-time is important to me. I also make it clear that I often work late at night and very early in the morning instead to ensure I remain on top of everything – that’s the side-benefit of parenthood, you’re often awake at times when the rest of the world is (sensibly) fast asleep!

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It can be tempting to tell a white lie when walking out of a meeting early to pick up your kids, but I think it is important that colleagues and clients see this as part of normal life. I hope that in communicating my approach I am helping others coming up behind me to see being a working parent in Bird & Bird as doable.

The first thing to say on this is that I have learned since becoming a parent to never to judge another parent! Everyone has so much going on, so many challenges, that it is rarely helpful to criticise how they choose to raise their child and make the transition back to work, if that’s what they choose to do. All I can offer is to encourage people to bring the experience of being a working parent out into the open. Part of this is being honest with people about your working patterns – when you don’t, there can be a natural tendency for people to make false assumptions about your commitment to the job. Give them the chance to help you make it work.

I treat my days and the time available within them far more fluidly than I have ever done before. I have given up on the 9 to 5. It doesn’t really matter, deadlines permitting, when I am doing my work because the firm trusts me to get on and do what I need to do. This might mean I am drafting something at 5.30am or at midnight, depending on what else is going on for me.

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I am also strict about my time with Freddie. When I am with him my phone is not in the room and I give him 100% of me.

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Perhaps the biggest factor in making it work though is that I have become relatively comfortable with a degree of imperfection. I am not going to make it to the gym 5 times a week any more (or even once!). I am not going to see my friends as often as I want to. I am not going to be able to go to every work drinks event. Everything is not quite perfect, but it is good enough – and this includes me being a “good enough” Mum. In some areas of my life, I’ve let go of the perfectionism, something I’ve found pretty liberating!