Anna Orriss-Baxter, Management Consultant, Baringa Partners

We are incredibly lucky in that we moved in with my parents who are helping to look after Emme. I have had Emme with me during some internal meetings, but have aimed to arrange these for mornings, leaving my client meetings to the afternoon and evening where I’m able to be alone. It’s a bit of a juggle, but we have it easy compared to many.

I hope that remote working is no longer seen as an easy option, but as a way of working that allows people to be as, if not more, effective with their time. The current situation has hopefully shown how we can be outcome focused. It has forced trust to be placed in employees to manage their own time, their own diaries and achieve what they need to do. I think, for parents, that is especially important because it can be difficult to organise nursery pickups around the working day. Often the working day is cut short because it’s necessary to leave at 5pm to make the 6.30pm pick up or it is hard to drop children at nursery and be in the office before 9am. On occasions where parents worked at home, they could avoid the commute and expand the working day quite significantly.

‍

The business I’m in is client and relationship led and I don’t think we can all switch to remote working all of the time but, hopefully, we will see clients continuing to encourage more flexibility and as a result we will follow suit. This would help make financial services and consulting a more appealing place for parents, or those with other caring responsibilities, to work in and be successful.

I’ve been surprised by the take up of invites for an informal virtual coffee. Managing meetings via virtual tools has been more time efficient because it cuts out the commuting between different offices. I’ve found it is still possible to have a good rapport on video call but it does rely to a degree on having met the person before.

‍

What you can’t do is have those informal chats with colleagues where you find out what’s going on and build networks. I don’t think we would want to be without this long term, but I do think that there is more that can be done to network virtually and to embrace different types of networking. This should help people to find ways that are authentic and work for them more generally.

It can feel awkward. I used to find networking really hard, but I’ve got a lot better at it. Part of it is being yourself and finding common interests rather than trying to network for the sake of it or because you think it is necessary. Coronavirus, if anything, is making us want to spend more time networking because we’re all isolated and stuck at home. People appreciate someone checking in; sharing an interesting article; or discussing tips about how we’re all adapting in these times. There is a feeling of ‘we’re in it together’ and people will remember in the longer term if you stay in touch.

I think it surprised me how possible it is. Prior to having Emme, I was really worried about not being able to do my job as well as I’d done it before. However, if anything, I’ve found it has increased my efficiency and my focus on work because, if I was leaving Emme, it would have to be for something worthwhile. I actually enjoy work now more than ever and what I’ve learnt is that making it work with two full-time working parents is all about teamwork. It feels like my husband and I have meetings all the time about who is picking up and who is dropping off!

‍

The challenge is to make myself be truly ‘off’ in some periods. I don’t feel it’s ok to be checking my emails when playing with my daughter. I want to devote my time to her, but it is hard to set those boundaries because there are things that I feel I’m missing out on when not working and vice versa. It is about learning to be ok with that. It’s about really thinking through what is important and what you’re not willing to miss out on, then being flexible with the other aspects and honest about it all.

I think about how I want Emme to see me and what I’m giving her. Through being at work, I’m happy and she’s seeing two parents who are completely equal, who have careers they care about and the luxury of both spending time with Emme when we are off.

‍

It’s also about not being hard on yourself. I missed the first time she went on a swing and I was upset about that. She did it with her Granny, but I got the video and was able to take her on a swing later. On reflection, I realised that it didn’t really matter at all and she won’t even remember it! It is so nice that she has a mix of people who love and care about her that she can spend time with. So, I think it’s trying to remember what your goal is and, for my husband and I, we want her to see that women and men can both have fulfilling careers and both play an active role as parents.

I was just really excited about it. It was the type of content I wanted to do and the type of clients I wanted to work with. It is global delivery with a team split across three continents. My concern (pre lockdown) was travel and the hours; setting the boundaries. I decided I would rather take on a challenging client delivery role than choose an easier work life balance but with less interesting work.

‍

What I found was that I could actually use global delivery to give me more flexibility. For example, sometimes I have shifted my day to accommodate the US time zone. So I might start work at 11am giving me time with Emme in the morning, before nursery, then work later into the evening. This gives me more of an overlap with my colleagues.

There have been a couple of times when we’ve had to do a bit of a reset. Occasionally, because I’m so passionate about my work and get really into it, my husband will have a chat with me and say that he has noticed my hours creeping up too high and my stress levels are increasing. Embracing an agile and flexible way of working is empowering because you can be outcome focused and adopt different ways of working but it does mean it can be harder to set boundaries.

‍

We’ve realised that boundaries will need to be renegotiated constantly depending on the needs of our individual careers and family life.

I had a shifted mind-set. Being on maternity leave was quite mindful in lots of ways. Although it can be stressful and lonely at times, when you’re home with a baby, I found that I was forced to just focus on them and to really be ‘in the moment’. It meant that I went back to work with a refreshed perspective on what actually matters. Having a baby has put work into perspective. I see it now as something to enjoy because I’ve chosen to be there and want to do this. As a result, I was able to perform well and so I went for the promotion when I felt ready.

Overall yes, I don’t think there was any negative impact on my career at all. One thing I found a little bit hard was that people make assumptions when women return from maternity leave. People sometimes feel that they need to protect women coming back to work. It is with absolutely the best intentions but there might be assumptions about how much work you want to take on or what travel you’re willing to do. I noticed some people were trying to be kind by making time for me to ‘ease back in’ when I didn’t actually feel I needed it. Having said that, for some returners, they may want that period of adjusting and the important thing is understanding that parents’ needs vary.

‍

Another slight bug bear of mine was the number of people who asked, ‘How many days are you doing?’ when I returned. No one asked my husband ever. It was just assumed he would go back to his usual way of working and that I would come back to a changed pattern.

‍

I had to be open and honest about what I did want to take on and I think it would be quite easy, for someone less vocal, to come back and automatically be given time to ease in where it might not be needed. On the flip side, people may be expected to be back up to speed quicker than they feel able to so communication is key.

Get time as soon as possible with the key people you will be working with, and this will be virtually right now of course. Be honest with them about what you want, what you’re looking to do and what you’re worried about.

‍

Also be aware that you might not feel how you expect to. I found it easy returning to work and didn’t feel that I’d been away. However, I did find it really hard dropping Emme at nursery and then feeling guilty that I was enjoying being at work.

‍

It’s important to be kind to yourself. We are all doing the best for our families and what works for us. There isn’t a right or a wrong way.